It was a Sunday Morning. I’m just chilling reading the Bible before church. And you know what? God showed me something pretty cool (He has a habit of doing that, you know). He showed me just how great declarations are (a lady had talked about it on Saturday at our woman’s brunch at church) and which ones are my favorite. The ones straight out of the Bible! I was reading in Isaiah, and He stopped me. He told me to put my name instead of Israel. And what I came up with was pretty amazing.

Isaiah 43:1-4, New Living Version

(1) But now, O (insert your name here), listen to the Lord who created you,
O (insert your name here), the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
(2) When you go through deep waters I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
(3)For I am the Lord, your God.
The Holy One of (insert your name here), your Savior.
I gave Jesus as a ransom for your freedom;
I gave Jesus in your place.
(4)My Son was given in exchange for you.
I traded in His life for yours,
because you are precious to me
You are honored, and I love you.

Pretty powerful stuff I thought I would share. Yet this is not the only one.

Isaiah 42:1-4 New Living Version

(1) Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
(insert your name here) is my chosen one, who pleases me,
I have put my spirit upon (he/she).
(He/She) will bring justice to the nations.
(2)(He/She) will not shout or raise (his/her) voice in public.
(3)(Insert your name here) will not crush the weakest reed
or put out a flickering candle.
(He/She) will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
(4)(insert name here) will not falter or lose heart until justice prevails throughout the earth.

Awesome and so encouraging.

Isaiah 60:1-3 New Living Version

(1) Arise, (insert name here)! Let your light shine for all to see.
For the glory of the Lord rises to shine on you.
(2) Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth,
but the but the glory of the Lord rises and appears over you.
(3) All nations will come to your light;
mighty kings will come to see your radiance.

The Bible is full of encouraging words. Powerful declarations. Uplifting proclamations. We only have to listen to what He is saying about us.

I wrote some of these scriptures and some different ones up and taped them to my bathroom mirror. The only reason why the Evil Queen asked the mirror who was the fairest of them all was because she didn’t know that she was beautiful herself. She didn’t have any self-confidence. She needed to hear the compliment, and be able to truly believe it. If only someone had cherished her, loved her, cared for her, she would have felt beautiful, and not cared who was the “fairest” because she believed in herself because someone had believed in her. See, I think most of us look to a mirror for support and compliments, too, (myself included!) but we will never be satisfied, we will never find what we are seeking there. Unless you are me. Because now instead of looking at my reflection for my own security, I’m looking at these scriptures. The ones that tell me I am beautiful. I am cherished. I am precious. I am honored (see that ending of verse 4 in Isaiah 43! It actually says that! You are honored! As well as YOU ARE LOVED. BY GOD. That’s pretty fantastic. I don’t need to hear it from anyone else (not that isn’t nice, but still. I don’t need it. God tells me, no one can top that.) and we know we can trust and believe it. Both God and His Word are infallible, right? Then obviously He meant it when He said it. He made you. I have another note hanging up in my room that says God cannot make a mistake. And God made you. So it is impossible that you are a mistake.” Keep reminding yourself that you are His Child, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Take His Word to heart, it is meant for you. It really is. YOU are Israel, you have been grafted into the family (Romans 11).

You are loved!

Yep. That title is for real. And Yep, I’m really going to be talking about that.

I have blue hair now. Blue hair is cool.

Anyways, now that I’ve gotten that Doctor Who reference out of my system, I actually do have blue hair! I got the ends of my hair dyed this past week. Pretty exciting. It kinda fades from my blonde into the blue, and I love it.

And you know what else is great about it? It makes me crack up. Why? Because the way people react when they see it is hilarious. The way their eyes go wide. Their face looks shocked. How they try to act all polite and tell me it’s “cool” (which it TOTALLY is, for the record. And some people actually do think it’s cool. And they tell me. And I love it. But I just don’t think all people who tell me actually think so)

I find it hilarious how some people think it’s such a big deal. They seem to act like it will last for the rest of my life, when in reality it will probably last only for a couple months. I laugh at how they almost assume I did it without my parent’s consent, when my Father is the one who actually dyed it. I find it hilarious how they act like it was out of rebellion, when it totally wasn’t. Otherwise my parent’s wouldn’t have bought the dye for me.

So, yeah. I care. I care about myself. I care about myself enough to express myself. I’m quiet on the outside. When you first meet me, I may not talk much to you. It’s just how God made me. But once you get to know me, I can be quite talkative. I feel as though putting my favorite color in my hair tells you, “there’s more to me than I let on”, and I enjoy that. I like how every time I look in the mirror now I think, “my hair looks AWESOME!” and then I go on with my life. It’s part of my style. You could say it’s part of who I am. And to call it “just a phase”, is really belittling my personality and how I express myself.

One lady actually told me, “don’t worry, my daughter put blue in her hair, too. It was just phase. She grew out of it. So no worries, you will too! It’s just a phase! No offense to you.” I was dumbfounded. I was in shock and didn’t know how to reply. So I guess I really didn’t. A friend of mine (who happens to be in her early thirties with two kids) has purple in her hair. A nose-piercing. Plans for a large, second tattoo. And you know what? If it’s “just a phase”, then that is a really long one for her. For her, it’s just how she expresses herself. She uses it as a conversation starter. To seem more down-to-earth. She is a wonderful Christian lady who loves God, a lot. Who has devoted herself and her family to living for God full-force in a pretty difficult way. She doesn’t think it’s that hard, but I know it is. It has nothing to do with her age or her spiritual life. It has everything to do with her style. She likes it. She thinks it looks good. So it may not be dying your hair. Or getting a tattoo or a piercing. Maybe you have some really other funky way of expressing yourself. Maybe it’s music. Poetry. Painting. Math. Running. Talking. Fixing things. Wearing plaid. I don’t know. But do it, and forget what people say about it. You need to care about yourself enough to express who you are, and your style. And you need to care enough about other people to just ignore what they say and inspire them to just be themselves.

So this past few months, as I’ve been writing my second book, God has been doing a new thing in me. He’s been giving me thick skin. And it has sucked. Really. It’s been hard, painful, really, and I’m not ashamed that I have cried a few tears over it. My gosh, it is hard to be like Jesus, I have found! To be unoffendable. (Or rather try to be).

This entire time I’ve been writing this second book (which has been an awesome experience, by the way, can’t wait for you all to read it), God has been preparing me. Abi, listen, there are people who aren’t going to like it. Why God? I ask. Because the enemy doesn’t like what you’re saying, it’s the hard truth, so people will oppose it. There are always people who oppose what I am doing. It’s how you know you are on the right track. And, I’ve always known that, but now I am truly learning it. The path truly is narrow.

It’s like when I decided I probably wasn’t (okay I say probably but really…I’m really not. God is like come on Abi, you know you aren’t! I also say “decided”, but let’s be honest, the only thing I decided was to agree to God.) going to go to college, people went wide-eyed when I told them, gave me a polite smile and said “that’s nice, but never say never! Don’t say no! You might still go!” To which I just smile and politely nod and say “uh huh”, when I know better. I know people think I’m crazy. The American way is to finish High School (don’t worry Mom, I’m still going to do that, I think God knows what you can and can’t handle. ;)), go to college, get a job, meet a guy along the way, get married, have kids, and bam. Life accomplished. And I’m sitting here thinking “That sounds boring.”

So you may or may not be wondering why in the world I’m not going to college. Well, let’s just say God has decided He wants to take more of an…Adventurous route with me. (Which I’m mostly fine with, notice the mostly) He’s telling me that college will be a waste of time, money, and resources for me. He’s decided I’m better suited if I’m off in some foreign country working with orphans.

And you know what the best part is? I’m not actually joking. It’s been pretty awesome, the journey He has sent me on just in discovering that was His plan. But needless to say, it’s been just a journey for me getting over that whole college thing (My poor Mother, too. I guess my Dad is pretty cool with me being a dork forever), because I’ve always told myself I was going to college (I never wanted to be a failure) and just because I knew people would judge me. (Which also just happens to be what the second book of mine is about. How lucky! Not.)

I actually came to a place this past week that I actually started to believe it wasn’t meant to be, that I was just making the whole thing up, about me serving overseas (for the record I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere in Eastern Europe), only because of what strong opposition I felt like I was receiving. I felt like I was being foolish, reckless, even. So during a “quiet time”, when I felt God’s presence strongly, I asked Him. Now, He’s pretty cool about answering questions (or at least mine!), so He did answer.

He told me that I’ve been reading in Isaiah 6, where Isaiah had a vision about the throne room of God, and the angel touching his lips with a coal and him being cleansed, and I would read verse 8 and 9 and offer the same to God.

“Then I heard the Lord asking, ‘Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?’
I said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’

One of my favorite songs, God of the Impossible by Everfound, even has that scripture strongly used in it. For years now I’ve been reading that and told him that. Here I am! Send me God! Use me! Well, I thought that that just meant me reading His Word and following Him and maybe every now and again encouraging someone or something…But boy I was wrong! He reminded me of that and asked, “You said this to me, right?” And me, already seeing where this is going, sighed and said yes. “Did you change your mind?” He asked. (Isn’t it cool that He gave me opportunity to do that?!) I told Him no. He said “Okay, then. I will send you. I am sending you. My Children need you. Will you go to them for me?” (And of course how could I say no to that, at this point I could totally see Jesus and He was totally crying about His Children and their need…) Of course I said yes, and that settled that.

But I have to have thick skin. To make sure those words just bounce off when people tell me I should still go to college. When they say it’s dangerous. When they question if it’s really God. I just let it roll off my shoulders and keep my eyes on Him and Him alone. To only listen to His words. To keep saying, “Here I am. Send me.”

With this second book, I sit here wondering, “how will people react? Will they not like it? Will they tell me I’m wrong? Will they post bad things about it?” And God chuckles and says “What will they learn from it? How will it change them? Impact them? How will I use it to accomplish my will in ways you could have never imagined?” And I go, “Oh yeah. Guess so. It’ll be worth it because you say it will be worth it.”

What will people say when I refuse to go to college? Will they judge me? Criticize me? But what will they learn from it? Who will be benefited from it? Who may I inspire from it? Isn’t it good, I’m not following the world’s systems. And that’s all it is. I’m still smart. I’m not a failure or a loser. That’s what people always said when I was growing up, people who didn’t go to college were losers. Well I’m here to say to those people that they are wrong. How can I lose when God is on my side? If God is for me, who can be against me? How can I fail when nothing is impossible with God? I can’t. College doesn’t define me. Having a job doesn’t define me. GOD defines me. And He certainly is.

In the Spring of 2014, I started on a journey that I didn’t even know I was starting. Writing my very first book, and starting my career. But here’s the thing…

I didn’t want to start on that journey.

Is that a surprise? Well, maybe, maybe not. Back then, in 9th grade, I liked writing a lot, but I didn’t think it would go anywhere, and I wasn’t even considering it for a career choice. I didn’t even know that it was a passion yet! And I honestly fought not to start this book. But I wasn’t even fighting God, no, I didn’t know what He had planned at all. I was actually fighting my parents.

It all started when in my Creative Writing book (remember I am homeschooled) it called for us to do an outline for a short story. I had never done an outline before, and I loathe short stories (not reading, just writing them,) so when my Mom (and my teacher) said I had to do it I was frustrated and quite upset. I tried to convince her that it was stupid and pointless. That I wouldn’t do well with an outline. That it would go no where. And I’m sure a ton of other excuses.

But, thankfully, my Mom persisted. She insisted that I do it and I grumbled, but then complied. And my goodness, I am so glad I did.

That outline I did ended up becoming a dream of mine. After doing it I thought “Hey, this isn’t a half bad story! I could actually do this!” Now, I might not have used the entire outline, but I used quite a bit of it, and I am now convinced I could not have done it without the outline. I now write all my stories with a part of the outline from that project I did.

Sometimes we don’t see the big picture. We don’t think that the things God tells us to do with help us. Maybe we think they will bore us. Be futile. Maybe even hurt us. But in the end, God sees it all, and He knows what He is doing. Obedience is key. Sometimes we can’t take that leap of faith for Him to use us if we don’t just trust Him first. The thing is, God could have said “Forget it, I’m not going to let you and your book prosper since you grumbled, complained, and argued!” But He didn’t. He still used me, and He taught me a lesson through all of it, that obeying your parents really does give you a blessing, and it pleases God! (Colossians 3:20, Ephesians 6:1)

Honestly, I didn’t deserve to be blessed and rewarded. I wasn’t trusting, I didn’t want to do it, but God taught me that sometimes that biggest reaping you can get is if you sow the seeds you don’t want to plant, but trust Him enough to do it anyways, even though you don’t feel like it. If we go based on feelings, we will never get anything done. I never feel like doing work. Moses didn’t feel like going to Egypt. And surely Jonah didn’t feel or want to go to Nineveh, and look at him! He resisted, didn’t trust and obey God, and look how he ended up.

God often blesses us and rewards us even though we may not deserve it. Although we grumble and complain. It reminds me of the story of Sarah in Genesis, when God comes to Abraham and Sarah, and tells them that they will have a child. In Genesis 18:12 it says that Sarah actually laughed at that, not believing it since she and her husband were so old and “worn out”. God very well could have said “Forget it, I will not give you a child because of your unbelief.” But he didn’t. He still gave her Isaac, as promised.

So, obey your parents, especially your heavenly Father, and trust them. Trust God in your parents, that would be my advice for all the young adults/teenagers reading this. For adults, trust God, and follow and obey Him earnestly. And realize that sometimes, even though you don’t feel like it, doing the hard thing is the most rewarding thing.

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14

A few years ago, I started this blog. I remember the day the idea came to me. I was about 12, I think. “Dad! Dad! I have an idea!” I remember running into his office. “I should start a blog!” Why I wanted to, I don’t exactly know. Perhaps it was from God! Or perhaps I wanted to “show off” and be all fancy with my supreme blogyness. But one thing is for certain, I think. I got a lot of encouragement from it. I gained a lot from doing it, in the end. I saw my Dad smile and say “okay, I think that can be arranged.” I saw him work hard creating this amazing site for me (which I doubt is that hard, seeing that he is a computer genius!), and be proud of me. Now reading back at the blog posts I put, they were actually quite silly at times. But goodness, there were certainly times I read back now and am amazed by myself, and I realize I learned so much from just sharing my thoughts.

Thus the point of this blog, for me, isn’t as much as getting to others with my observations and thoughts and prayers. (Goodness, if I based it off of that, no one would read it! I wouldn’t even read it myself!) It’s about what I can get from writing my thoughts and what God is telling me through His amazing Word. And if someone gets something from it, then, hey! Great! But if not, then that’s okay, too. Because I’llbe getting something from it, and that’s pretty grand news.

You know, I’ve come to the realization these past few years since I started this blog. I really don’t know everything. Thankfully, I’ve got a Father in heaven who does. And He gave me these flipping awesome parents to give me wisdom and knowledge and advice.

Yeah, I know some stuff. I know quite a bit about God and His amazing ways and how He loves me and such and so forth, I know how to do stuff in math that I’ll probably never use in the real world, and I know some math that I already do use in the real world. But do I know everything? Have I eaten of the tree of knowledge of good and evil? Hmmmm. Um, I don’t recall that. Do I want to know everything? My flesh screams “yes!” (of course, stupid flabbery flesh! Yes, I did just say “flabbery”, and no, I don’t think that is a real word.) but do I really? Do I really want to see all of the death and pain that us humans often inflict upon ourselves as God does? And besides, what’s the fun in life if there is absolutely no mystery about anything? Does that mean I’m going to throw my hands up in the air and refuse to open my history book because ignorance is bliss? No! Because, as George Santayana wisely said it, “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it”.

So I’ve come to the point in my life where I have decided that it’s honestly a gift to not know everything. You know something else I’ve learned? Learning can be actually quite fun. And you loose that factor when you know everything. But still, it requires a fine balance between striving to learn and striving to remain humble and accepting the fact that we will never learn everything, and that we don’t want learn everything. We want to strive to learn as much as God allows, but never beyond that. Because where’s the fun in life if we don’t rely on faith and trust in at least a few things?

And I think it’s obviously true that a lot of teenagers fall into the trap that they know everything, I know I have. But I think adults sometimes do, too. It just looks different and isn’t so direct. Actually, I think this is something we struggle with as a whole as the human race. Perhaps the temptation of that awful fruit from that awful tree (you know which one I’m referring to, the one I mentioned up above. Ick.) is still within us. Well, the curse is still with us, isn’t it? All the women who have had babies cry “heck yeah!”. So yeah, there’s still a part of me that feels like I know a lot, even as much as my parents. But that’s when the Holy Spirit inside of me says “shh. Listen. Just listen to them.” And I’m amazed at the wisdom that pours out as they speak. And honestly, that’s when I feel sorry for all those kids out there who use their parents as an excuse and think they are “too cool” to “hang” with “old people who happen to have birthed me”. I listen to the solid advice they give me. To the silly and funny stories they share with me. To their experiences in life. I learn from the mistakes they made as young adults, so I don’t have to make the same ones. Because the “history” part in “Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it” refers to more than just things that happened over 50 years ago. It refers to 5 years ago. It refers to 3 weeks ago. It refers to yesterday! So maybe I can share wisdom beyond my years with you. That is only because I listen to my elders, as they share their wisdom with me, and the wisdom they learned from their parents, and their grandparents, and their great-grandparents, and so on. So yeah, I’m going to be “uncool”. Yeah! I’m gonna sit here a soak up all of this history like a sponge and I’m going to learn from it. If learning from history and not repeating it means being “uncool”, then heck yeah. Bring on all the uncoolness baby.